Treat Your Mother Right

Mother’s Day is Sunday. I hope all you good little boys and girls have remembered and have something nice planned for the being that brought you into this world.


The closest thing I could find to mom jeans
for all you mom jean fanatics.

However, if you’ve forgotten, there’s still time to Treat Your Mother Right.

Thankfully I just got the 1984 Big T® Production: Mr. T’s Be Somebody…Or Be Somebody’s Fool. Jam-packed in this 54-minute video is not only the coining of the word “absoludicrous,” but everything you need to know on how to Be Someboody. And wouldn’t you know it, an essential part of Being Somebody is Treating Your Mother Right.


Don’t be a fool! Click Mr. T for
Seanbaby’s hilarious in-depth look at
Mr. T’s Be Somebody…Or Be Somebody’s Fool.

In this awesome video, Mr. T actually sings a song written by Ice T about how to Treat Your Mother Right.

That’s correct. Mr. Cop Killer Himself wrote a nice song for Mr. T to sing to kids about their moms.


Before he was a cop killer, he was a mom lover.

So here’s what happens in the video.

Mr. T sits idly out of frame while a small black boy and a large white woman hurl weight, looks and age insults at each other. But the second the white woman is about to go all “yo momma” on the poor child, Mr. T steps in with three soccer moms and begins to sing the song “Treat your mother right.”

The Soccer Mom Backup Singers sing:

Treat her right
Treat your mother right
Treat her right
Treat her right

Then Mr. T comes in with:

Mother
There is no other
Like mother
So treat her right

Mother
I always love her
My mother
So treat her right
Treat her right

M is for the moan
And the miserable groan
From the pain that she felt
When I was born

Whoa! All of the sudden this song got dark. Now that’s the Ice T I know and love. C’mon kids! Sing along! What? Why are you crying? Because your mommy made miserable groans when you were born? OH! Ha, you don’t understand the birthing process yet, do you? That’s okay! Just know you DID cause mommy a lot of pain when you were born. Now wipe your eyes and sing!

O is for the oven
With it burning heat
Where she stood making sure
I had something to eat

T is for the time
That she stayed up nights
And took my temperature
When I wasn’t feeling right

H is for the hard-earned
Money she spent
To keep clothes on my back
And tried to pay the rent

E is every wrinkle
I put on her face
And every worry
That I cause
When I stayed out late

Jeez, Tee-Tees (the nickname I just came up with for the Mr. T and Ice T duo). Not every kid was out killin’ cops and welding Oldsmobiles into tanks every time their mom turned around. No, some of us were good kids. Remember those geeks you used to beat up in the alley? Yeah, those kids were cool to their moms.

The last letter R
Is that she taught me respect
And for the room up in heaven
That I know she’ll get

She’s a queen
Second to none
Take care of mother
You only get one

So there you go. If you forgot to do anything for your mom, you now have a song you can sing to her. But that’s not all. While Mr. T and the soccer moms sang, the video showed you many ways to Treat Your Mother Right.

Mr. T’s Ways To Treat Your Mother Right™:
Eat a burger slathered in ketchup and then kiss her on the cheek.
Wipe off her kiss when you’re in front of your friends, but then run back and give her a hug when they’re not looking.
Make your mom ride bitch on a tandem bicycle.
Open the car door for her.
Massage her shoulders while wearing weightlifting gloves.
Help her take the groceries out of the car.
Hand her what she thinks is a box of chocolates, but is actually a popping snake gag. Then, after she recovers from the massive coronary you gave her, give her a real box of chocolates.

Alright! Thanks to the Tee-Tees and the Soccer Mom Backup Singers, none of us have an excuse to not Treat Our Mothers Right. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Oldsmobiles to weld into tanks. Sorry for the extra wrinkles mom!


At least I’m not killing cops, right ma?

***BREAKING NEWS***

The Tee-Tees (or “The Teats” as P-Diddy likes to call them) & The Soccer Mom Backup Singers will be opening for the Jesus Karate Band on their Summer ’05 “What Awesome Takedown Combination Would Jesus Do” Tour Sponsored by A&W® Root Beer. Stay tuned for schedule and venue info. And don’t forget: “Always look eye!”