Best Job In The World

You know what would be a great gig?

Being the guy who names STD prescription drugs.


The Official Drug of MTV Spring Break

This hit me when I was watching TV recently and saw a commercial for Valtrex®.

I mean what horrible acts did Valerie Bertinelli do to Eddie Van Halen to deserve becoming the namesake of a genital herpes drug?


Bertinellitrex® didn’t have the same ring to it.


Powerful guitar skills. Even more powerful pharmaceutical connections.

Imagine what you could do if you had that job. Imagine the ultimate power you would wield.

Your girlfriend Tanya been whining about her needs? Remind her just how easy it could be for a new chlamydia drug to be named Tanyacor®. Just like that she’ll be fetching you beer after beer with a smile on her face until she’s old, grey and bedridden.


“Another Milwaukee’s Best dear?”

Heck, if you were smart, with a few calls and an offshore bank account you could make yourself a hefty payday.


“You heard me! $14.5 mil or Oprahnox® hits the shelves by Arbor Day!”

Play your cards right, and with that job you could rule the world in no time.

In fact, what am I doing wasting my time writing this stupid post? If you’ll excuse me, I have a resumé to put together.

This is gonna be sweet.


“Thanks to Trumpacid®, the shingles no longer rules our lives!”