Sweater’s Favorite Things® Vol. 1
Because I’m lazy, have real work to do and because you people are so demanding, I’m posting one of my Favorite Things® I’ve ever read, not written. This was an article published in the Portland Mercury exactly four years ago.
I loved it so much, I saved it. I now pass the genius on to you.
Enjoy.
HEY! LOOK AT DIS CHEEKIN!
by Armand Melwicki
Photo by Satan
Oh, mama! Look at dis cheekin. Hey, dis is one good-lookin’ cheekin, let me tell you! Dis right here? Dis is a "finger-leekin’ cheekin." Ah-Ha! HA-HA-HAAAA! Yessssss. No. I wouldn’t eat dis cheekin. I love dis cheekin. Hey, you want to know something? It’s a funny thing about cheekins. They don’t hurt nobody. Nobody ever been hurt by the cheekin. What are they gonna do? Peck you to death? They gonna scratch you? "Oh! Oh! Help me! Help me! Dis mean cheekin, he scratch out my eyes!" Hoo-Hooo! HA! No, I'm kidding. He won’t hurt you. Dis cheekin? He’s a niiiice cheekin.
Another funny...okay, no. Another interesting thing about the cheekin, okay? All parts of the cheekin can be used in the man-u-facturing. All parts. The Haitians? They use the cheekin feets for the voodoo. The cheekin feathers? You can make the skirt out of those. The cheekin head? Wellllllll, I don’t know... maybe you can make the ring? For the finger? A cheekin-head ring? I tell you what, though! That's one ugly ring! Ah-HA! Ah-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA! No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes.
Ahhhh, but life. It’s a good thing with a cheekin around, no? What I mean to say is, you wake up in the morning, yes? You have to go to stupid job. The wife? She hate you. The kids? They got no respect. Ahhhhh, but then! But then hop, hop, hop! Here comes the cheekin! And the cheekin says "cheep!cheep!cheep!" and you say "peep!peep!peep!" and everything? Why, she’s okay again! The job? She’s not so bad! The wife? She's not so ugly! The kids? Well, the kids... they still no good. But the cheeeeeeekin. Yes. The cheeeeeeeekin, that's what makes life good. Ah, yes. Thank you, Mr. Cheekin. Thank you for making everything good.
posted by Aaron @ Tuesday, April 26, 2005
11 comments
11 Comments:
That's a prayer worthy of anything old St. Francis ever came up with...
Hello. Just discovered you. You're from PDX! And you're funny! I'm definitely blogrolling you.
-Kate
ha ha.
so if i'm "demanding" i guess i get a chicken story?
fair trade.
doodlebug, you need to go into your template and add a break in the space after your profile pic and before the caption. that's what's making it be at the bottom of your page. a break is typed like "<"BR">" minus the quotes.
i miss seeing your face at the top.
oh, wait, i mean after your "pic o' the day" not your profile pic, which prob needs to be smaller anyways to keep your sidebar from being at the bottom.
it's kinda like when your date's face disappears for too long and you need reassurance that you're with who you think you're with.
doodlebug?
I hope I fixed it with the new photo. I never saw a problem, but oh well.
Sounds just like Rosanne Rosannadanna to me. Ah, the good old days...
I love Rosanne Rosannadanna! Anyone remember Gilda and her Vegetable Beef Soup kid skit? That was classic!
Cosby,
I know your as sexy as you are funny. So get ready for the goose to fly east for the winter. Know what I mean? (nudge nudge. I now declare myself in the competition for Cosby's affections. And the fact that I am a married man makes no difference to me.
Sorry English of mine not so good.
I like what you wrote about stool. I also have a green stool, by the breakfast nook.
I kid! I kid!
Hey, Rrrrrrobnett, when are you gonna do it on my chest? Turn those curly hairs green.
Name the place and time, Dard. Oh, you already named the place. Okay, just name the time.
Thanks, Friend, I always wanted to do that! I'll throw in another seven bucks...maybe ten.
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